Day 3 of 5 (take 2)

Yes, I didn’t update yesterday.  I decided to be not-dependable and rebelious.  Actually I couldn’t think of anything interesting to post.  But of course I will never admit to that.  So please indulge me and think that I was a rebel.

I’ve always wanted to be a rebel but I’ve never been able to switch of my inborn sense of responsibility for long enough to do it properly.  Like Tif once said, before I do something irresponsible I first check that

1.  it isn’t unlawful

2.  no one will get hurt

3.  no one will know

4.  emergency backup plans are created

5.  if #1 -3 fail, there will not be unacceptable consequences.

Only once all 5 criteria have been met do I go through with my rebellion, feeling wild and spontaneous.  Yeah, I’m a sad case.

Boeta is doing very well although the chemo nausea is getting to him.  It seems that the side-effects are cumulative.  After every chemo they happen faster and more severe.  His blood counts go lower for longer, the nausea sets in earlier and yet none of that is enough to keep him down. 

For some reason, when we are at home he prefers proper food but as soon as we get to hospital he refuses food and demands only junk.  And biltong.  So tomorrow the dietitian is coming to see us.  I really don’t know what she is going to do to help.  There is a big difference between knowing what he should get and getting it into him.  I know that chips and chocolate and biltong is not a balanced diet.  Not even when he tops it off with cream soda (hey it should count as greens).  But if it is all I can get him to eat, what am I supposed to do?  So I will wait for her, I will listen to what she has to say and I will definately ask her how she wants me to get him to eat something he doesn’t want to eat.  I will keep you posted.

Boeta is doing very well considering that he started the day by vomiting all over his bed.  The anti-nausea medicine is doing its job and he is currenly playing Emily-rescues-Thomas with his trainset.  He has such a train infatuation at the moment!  If it was me I would be lying in bed pitying myself but he has too many stories to play.  We even practiced writing his name this morning.  He already knows some letters and I decided that I may as well start teaching him more.  He lost interest after 5 minutes but we’ll try again tomorrow.


Mixed emotions

What a roller coaster day.

Woutertjie had fever throughout the night and didn’t eat anything the whole of yesterday.  He is currently on IV antibiotics again.  After being very nauseous yesterday he woke up this morning with a bit more attitude and refused to let the oncologist examine him. 

This morning I went to church while Wouter was with Boeta in hospital.  At the end of the pre-service singing there were two children’s songs.  The first was “Kyk hoedat die voëltjies vlieg” (Look at how the birds fly) and that was the end of my composure.  Everytime Boeta had to get a drip inserted I sang that to him to try and distract and calm him.  It is the song we had to sing every day that I took him to play school and he loves that song.  So there I was, sitting in the front row, tears streaming down my face.  I’m not comfortable with showing sadness in public.  Everyone is allowed to see me feeling good but I save sadness for the privacy of my own home.  My friends have been quite freaked out after reading some of my blog entries and I think they will be really freaked out hearing that I cried in public.

The sermon today was about the state of our hearts.  Do you have a Saul-heart, made of stone with no love for God?  Do you have a David-heart, filled with Godly love even though you stumble every now and again?  Do you have a Solomon-heart, trying to straddle both worlds?  This sermon may have been written with me in mind.  The whole time I felt God telling me that he was pulling me from my Solomon existence towards a David one.  And I may be kicking and screaming but He will not give up on me.

At the end of the sermon the minister, Ds Tielman Germishuys who is also battling cancer, came to me to ask how Boeta was doing.  I told him that he wasn’t doing great and he called me to the front, explained to the congregation who I am and asked everyone to join in a prayer for Boeta and our family.  I can’t explain how much comfort I derived from that.

Woutertjie is feeling better and better as the day has gone by.  At the moment he is sitting on the floor on his Lightning McQueen blanket playing with his Thomas trainset.  I can’t imagine an adult going from feeling horrible to wonderful within a couple of hours.  Children! 

My baby sister, Tiesies, is staying over at hospital tonight so that Wouter can have a good night’s sleep before the week starts again.  Wishing you all a good week!