Wobbly dobbly

Yip, that would be me.  I don’t know why but I am totally off centre. 

It takes me a while to recognise my off-ness.  I would feel funny / strange but unable to put my finger on it.  And then suddenly, usually after a huge blowout, I would “see” myself in that post-apocalyptic calm that follows.  Only then do I realise how long I’ve been not right.  I don’t know if other people are also like this.  I wish I could identify it earlier – it would save everyone a hell of a lot of … shall we say … excitement?  Because inevitably Wouter and the children feel when I don’t want to be touched / talked to / involved and try to make it better by touching, talking and getting me involved.  And it backfires badly.

I spent the most of today clinging to sanity by my teeth – and this is after taking a tranquiliser…  Without chemical help I would’ve ripped our house apart bit by bit.  Not a lot of fun if you are me, and even less when you have to share the house with me. 

I don’t know what’s wrong.  But I need to find out ASAP.  This is not me and not the way I want to be either.

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4 Responses

  1. Sorry you are feeling off balance.
    Be gentle with yourself, you have been through a lot.
    We must try do coffee soon

  2. Suzanne, sien jy nog ‘n shrink? As nie, dink ek regtig jy moet gaan. Uit ondervinding weet ek die chemikalieë help … maar net tot op ‘n punt. Jy is deur hel die laaste twee jaar, en ek dink jy moet daardie goed nou tromp op konfronteer. Jy het nou die tyd. Voorheen nie, maar nou wel.

  3. Hope you feel better soon. Maybe some solitude?

  4. Ek hoop jy voel gou beter.Jy weet jy is regtig deur verskriklike erge dinge die afgelope tyd. Met die hulp van bo kan alles weer regkom Hy sal jou nie dinge gee wat Hy weet jy nie kan dra nie .
    Jy is in my gebede sterkte en sommer ‘n ou drukkie ook.

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