If you ever had the need to see all Cristina’s private children (the oncologist) parade past you, you should show up at hospital today. It is check-up time and from 14:00 onwards most of us will be there. I am quite looking forward to seeing everyone. I miss my “family”.
Boeta is notoriously busy-body-ish. I wonder where he gets it from. *looks around searchingly* Riana (at Hasie Kalbassie where they went last year) told me many times about him scolding the other children for not paying attention or doing something that he thought should be done.
We are driving home after school. I ask loads of questions (what did you learn / what did you sing / who did you play with) and Boeta and Carien answer simultaneously or not at all. They are never able to tell me the names of the children in their classes – either they are enjoying school too much to bother asking for names or the other children are all stuck-up. Seeing that my kids’ lunch boxes get home still mostly full I am guessing that it is the former.
Suddenly Boeta perks up and tells me about “so ‘n seuntjie” in his class, named Logan. Apparently Logan fidgeted, talked while he should’ve listened and in general just did things that my high and mighty son didn’t agree with. (Mamma, hy het so gevroetel en so gepraat en so … ) Knowing Woutertjie, it is highly possible that Logan merely sat next to him and did nothing worth telling. But Boeta was wide-eyed with fascination – he remembered someone’s name! He had to tell the story. And juice it up as much as possible. He is my son – I expect nothing less.
Eventually Boeta finishes retelling the story 15 times – to make sure I really really heard, even though I commented and made the necessary noises throughout.
There is blessed silence for 5 whole seconds before Carien asks:
Boeta, wat het Yoghurt gedoen? (Boeta, what did Yoghurt do?)
Yip, that would be me. I don’t know why but I am totally off centre.
It takes me a while to recognise my off-ness. I would feel funny / strange but unable to put my finger on it. And then suddenly, usually after a huge blowout, I would “see” myself in that post-apocalyptic calm that follows. Only then do I realise how long I’ve been not right. I don’t know if other people are also like this. I wish I could identify it earlier – it would save everyone a hell of a lot of … shall we say … excitement? Because inevitably Wouter and the children feel when I don’t want to be touched / talked to / involved and try to make it better by touching, talking and getting me involved. And it backfires badly.
I spent the most of today clinging to sanity by my teeth – and this is after taking a tranquiliser… Without chemical help I would’ve ripped our house apart bit by bit. Not a lot of fun if you are me, and even less when you have to share the house with me.
I don’t know what’s wrong. But I need to find out ASAP. This is not me and not the way I want to be either.
Today Boeta and Carien started at their new school. And they had a marvelous time. They didn’t miss me at all. I had to practically drag Woutertjie back for a kiss – he was on his way to the carpet with the rest of his Grade R class and I was a nuisance. The joys of parenthood.
Carien fell into line with the kids in her class as soon as the bell rang – an old-fashioned hand bell. Very quaint and very lovely. I had to accost her too.
The lesson from this day seems to be that I should deal with my issues. I had an appointment with my psychiatrist during their school day. She reckons I have separation anxiety. I don’t. I just don’t like being away from my children. *insert belligerent face here*
Either way. It went well. Which is more than I could say for the rest of my day. The Vito had to get new brake pads. Do you know how much brake pads (not disks) for that money sucking Merc cost? R2400. And that excludes the labour. And now it still has to go for a service. I give up. Financially this has been a really really rough couple of months and now this. I know that it is part and parcel of owning a vehicle but I didn’t sign up for this kind of maintenance costs when we bought the Vito. Moral of the story? Just because you can get a car for a good price doesn’t mean that you should take it! 🙂
Hallo and happy 2011. Yes, I’ve been shockingly scarce. It is strange – I seem to have lost my ability to put ideas to words. So I go through the day thinking “that will make an excellent blog post” but I just don’t /can’t write it. I don’t know why. I wish I did. I miss you!
I’ve seriously considered ending the blog. After all, Woutertjie is in remission and is doing well. Who would want to read about the daily grind in our house? But I binned the idea. It just doesn’t feel right.
So here I am, posting my first 2011 post.
Tomorrow is a big day in our house. Woutertjie is starting Grade R (the year before “real” school) and Carien will join him at his new school. They had so much fun and learned so much at their previous play school and it broke my heart to move them. But Woutertjie “graduated” from play school and I know that trying to drop and collect them at different schools will drive me insane. This way at least they stay together. I really hope they adjust well – I hate change passionately. Probably because I had to deal with so much change growing up. My dad worked for ABSA and we moved around a lot. I went to 6 schools in the 12 school years. I’m not sure how Boeta and Carien will deal with it. I suppose I’ll find out tomorrow.
I am quite emotional about Woutertjie going to almost-big-school.
There were a number of times during the last years …
I am going to restart that sentence because I can’t seem to find the words to finish it. Let’s just say that there was some doubt about whether we would ever need to enroll Boeta in school. But here we are. Two healthy children ready to face the great unknown.
Thank you, God Almighty.