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It is 5 months since the end of Boeta’s treatment and he remains in remission.  Thank God!

It was so good to see Cristina after her 2 month absence.  We missed you, Tannie Stina.  She enjoyed Boeta’s English immensely.  I tried to convince him on the way to the hospital that he shouldn’t talk a lot because Cristina and I had things to say to each other.  He informed me tersely that it “wasn’t a good plan” because he had news to tell her.  I still haven’t found out what the news was but the two of them spent some quality time together.

After a thorough abdomen palpitation Cristina declared him healthy.  Next month he will go for an abdominal sonar – it will be 6 months after the end of treatment and his protocol calls for a sonar then.  And we will oblige.

As for me, I am very unstable at the moment.  I have always been good at denial and my way of dealing with knocks is to ignore it until I have the energy to deal with it.  Now I don’t have that luxury.  The children are dealing with my dad’s death and I have to be there for them.  So now I am forced to deal with it.  I’m not ready.  I just don’t have the strength at the moment but for their sake I have to act like I do.  I have to talk to them about Oupa.  I have to help them draw pictures of Oupa.  I have to listen to their stories about Oupa.  I have to be the mommy.

I don’t want to be all grown up and responsible.  I want to cry on my mom’s shoulder.  But I can’t.  Because she is crying on mine and someone has to stay standing. 

So what to do?  I will put on my mask and carry on of course.  It is what I do.

But please, when you see me don’t be nice to me.  I will burst into tears and I don’t want to.  Not now.

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3 Responses

  1. My heart goes out to you girl. It’s not easy hurting yourself and being the one that has to support others.

    Glad the check-up went to well.

  2. ek kom vir JOU kuier!!!

  3. Hierdie eksamen kan niemand vir iemand anders skryf nie. Baie, baie sterkte en kyk mooi na jouself ook.

    WONDERLIK van Woutertjie!!

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