I’ve had it

I am so angry I don’t know what to do with myself.  I am angry.  I am sad.  And most of all I am so bloody powerless.

Connor is extremely sick.  Tania, his mom, told me tonight that he is losing his battle.  The cancer is attacking his lungs and kidneys.  A month ago this child was the picture of health and happiness and now they are planning how to get him from the hospital to their home in the safest way so that he can “go Home” from home.

I told you that I saw Enrico on Friday.  Seeing one of our children that sick has thrown me completely.  And even more, seeing Johanetta so strong and determined to do her best for her child, has been driving me crazy.  Now it is Connor as well.  And Tania is equally amazing  in the strength she portrays to the outside world.  

What would I have done in their position?  I don’t know.  I don’t want to think about it.  Statistically this should’ve been our journey.  I just don’t want to think about it.

I do know that the face you show to the world isn’t the face that you bury in your pillow at night.  I know that I am hurting so bad for these two families.  And I know that there is nothing I can do to make it better.  I am so angry at this monster that is grabbing our children away.  I am so  a n g r y.

No mother should ever have to go through what these two women are going through.