Making up my mind

Should I write an optimistic piece tonight or a contemplative one?

Should I tell you about how much better Boeta is or about how sick he still is?

Should I explain that I am feeling a lot better than last week or should I forget that I feel better and wrap myself up in self pity?

I don’t know either.

On the one hand I am feeling calm, centred and in control.  On the other hand I want to cry myself to sleep.  I don’t get it.  How can I be both happy and sad?  And I really am in a good place at the moment.  Why do I confuse the issue by thinking too much and depressing myself?

I just don’t know.