OK, I am not amused anymore

Right at the start of this journey we were warned that our family life, emotional stability and marriage were going to take some hits.  Yeah right.  Some hits.  That’s like saying T Rex was a large-ish lizard with socialisation problems.  This is way more than “some” freaking “hits”.

This weekend has been the last bloody straw.  I am fed up with my children, I am fed up with my husband, I am fed up with trying not to swear while I write this.  (There are children who read this blog.)

Carien has decided to not have the common cold, but rather spice things up with a bit of croup thrown in.  I understand that she is feeling like crap.  She has had a fever since yesterday, her throat is obviously sore, she is generally feeling sick and is even more clingy than usual.  That should not be possible without the addition of large quantities of superglue but she is managing it.  All of this I can understand and I am doing everything I can to make life easier for her.  Do you think she could do me one tiny favour and swallow the medicine that I’m trying to give her?  Oh no.  She’d rather scream, fight, spit and not swallow a single drop.  And then afterwards, while I am still trying to wipe the drops of medicine off my face, she wants to be cuddled and comforted.  I don’t feel like even looking at her after she just about bit my fingers off.  But I have to.  Because I’m the mommy.

Boeta’s haemoglobin is very low (7.8) and yet he seemed to come to peace with it today.  He was a lot easier to be around than yesterday.  So imagine my irritation when Wouter went on a pity-party because Boeta wanted his constant attention.  I’ve been trying very hard not to tell Wouter “welcome to my life” when he comments on how emotionally draining the children can be.  But indeed, welcome to my life!  This is my reality.  I get very resentful when Wouter seems to assume that the children aren’t like that the whole day long.  At least on weekends the adult to child ratio is 1:1.  It is a whole lot worse during the week when I have to try and split myself into half to satisfy them both.  So where exactly does Wouter get the right to get resentful because he hasn’t had time to do anything for himself today? 

I bought soft rolls today.  I stood in a queue to get fresh rolls because the prepacked ones where stale already.  I didn’t feeling like queueing but I did because I wanted soft rolls.  Wouter opened the bag by tearing a hole in the side.  And then he tried to play the innocent, falsely accused victim of constant abuse.  According to him he only tore the bag open like that (completely un-resealable) because he was going to repackage the rolls in another bag.  Right.  Tonight after he went to bed I had to take the (by now half-stale) buns and put them in another bag. 

I feel like I keep on giving and giving and no-one even notices.  I feel wrung out and old, old, old. 

It is at times like these that I am very grateful that we started off with a strong marriage.  Even though Wouter at times irritates the living sh daylights out of me I still wouldn’t want it any other way.  He can be an irritating swine but he is my irritating swine.  And I love him.

And Babes, if you want to state your side of the story, get your own blog.  Hah!


4 Responses

  1. HUGE (((HUGS)))
    I hope it gets better soon.

  2. hey bud

    it sounds like you need a break. if i was there i would offer to watch the kids while you did something for you for a day. My heart goes out to you
    as far as wouter goes what can i say … men will be men ! 20 years from now he will still be tearing holes in bags, leaving towels on the floor and leaving the milk outside the fridge. But at least you know in 20 years he will still be there irritating you to no end 🙂

    hang in there.

    Lots of love

  3. Firstly Caitlyn screams blue murder at the mere thought of taking medicine. So a few days ago I had a brain wave and took a syringe and with her watching we put water in it and voila, she loved taking the water in the syringe. So last night (she has a cold) wanted to give her some pamol to help with i.e. sore throat and all we did was ask her if she’d like some juice in her syringe and voila, she took her medicine without any struggle at all. 🙂

    Secondly, I so know how you feel. I’ve had many days like that. Many many days where I would say to Terence that what I have is a job, but a job with very little recognition, appreciation and no salary. A life that suddenly didn’t feel like it had any meaning at all.

    Nowadays I find myself getting increasingly impatient with my kids so I can well imagine what it must feel like for you at the moment.

    So then I decided that it is perhaps time to apply for some jobs. So yesterday I was all excited at the thought of this and today panic set in – what if they turn me down? What if they accept me? What if I take a job and find I hate it (I don’t do good with things that will have no end in sight like this cancer journey has been – yes still 3 months left, but feeling very much like no end in sight)

    But that’s life for us hey?

    Hang in there! Before you know it you will feel more in charge of your life again.

    Hugs, prayers and positive thoughts!!!!!!

  4. Elkeen van ons kry ons “ups & downs”, maar ons spartel maar voort en een of ander tyd skyn die son darem weer, al is dit met ‘n skewe glimlag. Moet dus glad nie sleg voel nie. Al voel ons soms om die mans te verstrengel bly hulle maar eenvoudig ‘n onmisbare ergernis. Hoop Carien voel vinnig beter!

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