Scan tomorrow

I am drained.  After long discussions it was decided that Boeta shouldn’t go for an attempted scan today but rather get anaesthetic tomorrow.  I fully agree with the reasoning.  He is petrified of the machines and it is very important not to scare him even more.

Tomorrow at 12:00 we need to book in at the hospital and he will be scanned at 14:00.  It is simply to get the coordinates for the radiation that will follow.  They need to pinpoint the areas to aim at.  So why I am so stressed about it?  Because he will receive daily radiation for about a month and he can’t be anaethetised every day.  He needs to learn to lie still on a little bed that he refuses to get close to, nevermind on to.  And we only have a few days before the treatment starts.

I’m starting to get everything ready for Boeta’s birthday party on Saturday.  The thought of his coming birthday upsets me.  It makes me realise that the doctors didn’t think he would survive to see his 4th birthday.  It makes me realise that every day that he is alive is a gift.  It makes me realise that for the rest of his life he will be at risk.  He will have to go for frequent checkups to make sure that the cancer isn’t back.  He may have several medical issues later as a result of the chemo he is getting.

I know that I should be grateful that things are going so well and I am.  But I am scared of the future.  And I am tired of being scared.

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8 Responses

  1. Hi Suzanne,
    I am reading an interesting book right now – called “Remarkable Recovery: What extraordinary healings can teach us about getting well and staying well” by Caryle Hirshberg and Marc Ian Barasch. It should appeal to you for two reasons – a bit of intellectual stimulation in between things and because it deals a lot with cancer. I thought of you immediately. It is from the Rondebosch library – you can get it through interlibrary loan if your local library doesn’t have a copy – perhaps one of your support team can access it for you? Keep well and rested – you are doing just great and we continue to cheer and pray for you and your whole family! PS – it is our son Julian’s birthday on the 4th April – so we will say a special wish for Wouterjie’s birthday on the 5th.

  2. Hugs and prayers and lots of positive thoughts!!!

    Once Bianca had to go for a scan in a CT scan machine and she was terrified too, but we played “red light, green light” and that did distract her a little bit.

    Of course it was only once so I’m not sure how she would have coped with every day. I will pray for strength to help you through.

    Not sure why they can’t give anaesthetic for each session, because we had a little girl here who was under GA every time. Can’t they give some other form of sedation at least?

    Just remember every day you get through is one day closer to end of treatment where things will become settled and normal again 🙂

  3. Suzanne my heart is so sore for you.
    I think of you so much.
    Biggest, warmest hugs and all the best for today!!
    xx

  4. Our thoughts are with you and I wish I knew the answer, there is just no easy way it seems. Be strong we know you can do it.

  5. I don’t know what to say to you, please just keep praying things will get better.
    One day Woutertjie will write a book about how sick he once was many years ago and the miracle and power of prayer have made those days impossible to believe now.
    Your family will be in our prayers.

  6. Suzanne
    Die lewe gooi ons gereeld ‘n “curve ball” en dan sit ons op moed verloor se vlakte. Maar staan op en “tackle” elke dag by die horings, want ons bid vir jou, Woutertjie,groot Wouter en jul familie. En ons aanbid nie net ‘n beeldjie of iets soorts gelyk nie – ons aanbid die Almagtige Vader. Hy sal voorsien!
    Die afgelope paar dae is daar die spreekwoordelike enkel ry voetspore in die sand, want God dra jou in Sy arms.
    My hart bloei vir jou. Ek sou al lankal handdoek in gegooi het…
    Sterkte!
    Geniet Saterdag se partytjie!!!
    Julle is nog steeds in my hart en gebede

  7. Hey vrou, ek hoop dit het ok gegaan vandag met die scan. Ek hoop more gaan ‘n absolute jol wees, en dat julle die dag sommer BAIE gan geniet!

    (((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))

    Liefde

    N

  8. What you have said about Wouter’s birthday is exactly how I feel about Catherine’s. She is four today, but without treatment and God she would not have been here. We are both tremendously blessed, Suzanne, but I know exactly what you mean when you speak about check ups. I also have felt sad today that Catherine had had to go through so much but, like you, I am also so thankful to God that we have got this far. I hope Wouter has a great birthday. You are in my thoughts and prayers as always.

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