How I’m really doing

I am a drama queen.  There, I said it. 

I never thought I would turn out to be a DQ.  I’ve always been the steady, calm type.  I hate upheavals in my life.  If I had my way tomorrow would be like today and yesterday and next year and so forth.  I know this sounds terribly boring but there is a reason for my change-o-phobia.

My dad worked for ABSA (a banking group) and was transferred to various branches.  When you are 6 years old (or 10 or 14) you don’t have much say in whether your whole life is going to change or not.  You go where your family goes.  I was in 6 schools in 12 years.  Twice I was in a school for only 1 year before we moved again.  So I think I had enough change in my life to last me a lifetime.

Since I got married and have a job and family of my own I’ve managed to keep unwanted change to a minimum.  Everything is nice and even.  Wouter isn’t much into change either (he has a similar history).  When we feel really wild we may move the couches a bit to the left.  About a year ago we even moved the dining room table.  Afterwards we both had to have a lie down to recover from the excitement.

See, we don’t like it when change is forced down on us.  If we want some excitement we will make it for ourselves.  Wouter goes out mountain biking and jumps things he shouldn’t and come home bruised, battered and smiling from ear to ear.  I do the Drama Queen thing.  It works for me.  It means that I can divorce my emotions from my actions.  Emotions are floating sedately in the harbour while Actions take a ride on the rapids.  Emotions remain unchanged while Actions are acting up.

On the surface I overact and wave my arms and queen around, always smiling, always happy and always with something to say.  Many of my friends (actually, most of them) have no idea what to do when I let the image slip.  But occasionally I do let it slip.  And today is going to be one of those days.  I expect to receive a lot of concerned calls following this post.

What most people don’t understand is that I’m not what I act.  Underneath I’m not always smiling and happy but I don’t like showing it.  And today I don’t feel happy and smily and I don’t feel like hiding it.  This doesn’t mean that I feel bad.  It means that I am tired and I don’t really feel anything.  I am tired and I don’t have the energy to pretend otherwise.  I am tired and I just want to be left alone for a while.

Just a bit.

Until I get my act together again.

All the world’s a stage and soon I’ll be ready to take to it again.

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OK, I’ll update! Stop nagging!

Oh my.  If I even wondered if people actually read the blog I don’t have to anymore! 😉

I’ve received so many calls, comments, emails and Facebook messages asking if we are OK.  Yes, we are OK.  I’ve been a very bad blogger but I blame that on Woutertjie.  For no good reason, it is just that you aren’t allowed to be angry at Boeta and now I can get away with it.  Blame those who can’t type back!

The chemo finished on Wednesday afternoon and we were allowed to go home soon after.  Woutertjie was very nauseous on Wednesday morning when he woke up.  He says the krokkenoster bites him and then he gets nauseous and then he spits (ek spoeg!).  Fortunately he responds very well to Zofran (anti-nausea meds) and he was better soon.  He ate Weetbix for breakfast and then demanded more.  And white milk (wit melkies).  For some reason flavoured milk is very last chemo.

For the first time I spent less than an hour trying to get him away from the hospital.  It took only 50 minutes to persuade him to go home.  But only because I promised that he could give the “ontslag” card to the office.  (What is “ontslag” in English?  I can’t think of the word.)  He was very disappointed when he couldn’t put it in a machine like a parking ticket.  He had to give it to a person.  He almost decided to go back.

On Wednesday morning the oncologist (Dr Stefan) and the paediatrician (Dr de Villiers) arrived at the same time for ward rounds.  I liked having them there at the same time.  Dr Stefan is satisfied with Boeta’s progress and amazed at how good he looks.  She almost had a nervous breakdown when I told her that Boeta wants to climb trees and ride his bicycle.  When the first chemo started on the 6th of January I asked her if there was anything that he shouldn’t do and she said that I shouldn’t worry, he wouldn’t want to do anything anyway.  She says he is receiving very high doses of chemo.  No one bothered to tell him.  Or he decided not to listen (which wouldn’t surprise me).  Whichever way, Boeta is doing well and is driving Carien nuts.