Doing things you don’t want to do

I have an appointment with the oncology social worker in 42 minutes.  I don’t want to go.  Today I don’t want to dig into my inner self.  In fact, my inner self has gone on a business trip and will only be back in about 51 weeks, when the treatment ends and my son is healthy.

41 minutes to go.  Yes, I am counting the minutes to when I have to leave to make it in time.  I was considering getting caught in traffic but now I remembered that Emerentia, the social worker, probably also reads the blog.  So there goes that plan.

39 minutes.  I am also counting the weeks of treatment.  We are now in the 5th week, meaning that there are 51 left.  Please don’t try to tell me that the treatment may not go exactly as planned.  I am in denial and prefer to stay there.

Woutertjie is doing well and is playing with his train set and watching his new Mickey Mouse DVD (thanks Inga and Colleen!).   This morning he complained of nausea for the first time since we left the hospital.  It freaks me out.  I never considered the possibility that the tumour may grow between chemo (in the rest periods) until I re-read Declan’s blog.  Now it is really bugging me.  Constantly.  Sounds to me like the work of the dark side.  Please pray that God will give me calm and peace.

34 minutes.  I have to leave in 4 minutes to be on time.  OK, I could probably leave 15 minutes after that and still be on time.  Barely.  And that will never do.  I hate being late more than I dislike the idea of the visit.  So wish me luck.  And Emerentia, if you read this – phone me NOW and tell me that you can’t see me today.  I’m waiting for your call.


2 Responses

  1. Suzanne, ek dink elke dag aan julle. Ek bid die Here se seen en rustigheid oor julle en die kinders. Mag julle almal sommer lekker slaap vanaand, en more vrolik wakker word. Laat weet as ek enigiets vir julle kan doen.
    Baie liefde,
    (PS wie sou ooit gedink het ek sal Afrikaans met my kinders praat??!)

  2. I hope the visit went well even if you did not want to go.

    Hugs, prayers and thoughts all the time to all of you!

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