My heart just froze

Declan du Toit is 7 months old and has the same type of cancer that Boeta has (rhabdomyosarcoma).  His was found early and he has been receiving treatment for months.  By all accounts he was doing well.  A couple of minutes ago I was informed that his cancer has spread and that it is looking bad.

For a while now I’ve been blissfully ignoring the long-term possibilities of cancer.  Even though the stats predict a 40% survival rate, even though Woutertjie’s is stage 4 (out of 4), I managed to live day to day without thinking about the future.  My son is going to recover completely, see?

Through the mercy of God I’ve been able to stand strong and support my family.  Throughout this time I’ve been aware of attacks on my faith.  At one time I kept on having flashbacks of Boeta as a newborn and then I would fall apart thinking about everything I want him to still experience, explore, become.  By the grace of God I realised after a while that the devil was testing my faith and through prayer God helped me to deal with the attacks.  So then other things happened that made me doubt and the process repeated.

Now this.  In no way am I trying to say that the devil is hurting Declan to get to me, but the news has hit me hard.  And yet I have to keep on believing and trust that God has a plan with Declan and his family as well as with Boeta and our family.   And for the first time I feel like screaming WHY?????? 

Please pray for Declan.  Please pray for a miracle.  And please pray for strength for his parents and family.

And then please pray for us.


9 Responses

  1. Die Declan storie het my nou ook vreeslik geruk vanoggend – die werklikheid van dit alles!

    Ek bid my kniee deur vir julle….. Kristin sluit Woutertjie ook elke aand in haar gebedjie in al is dit net ” Liewe Jesus laat Woutertjie lekker slaap vannaand…”

    Dink voortdurene aan julle almal!

  2. I know, sometimes life just seems so unfair, so heartbreaking.

    I’m praying like mad for you and for them!

  3. Zani, ek bid vir julle, en vir klein Declan. Hugs

  4. There are two sayings I love very much and have found them to be relevant in my own life.
    We attract what we fear most and What you resist, will persist.
    What I am trying to say is that even though Wouter is sick and the odds are stacked high against him, you do know kids are resilient. Although one should be realistic as you go along your way, you simply cannot “catch” yourself thinking of his death. My son died six months ago and it shattered me, even though I was “supposed” to be prepared. You never are and you aren’t doing yourself any favour thinking that you could somehow prepare yourself. Love wouter and do whatever it takes to get him healthy, don’t fall into despair and enjoy every minute you have with him. Just hang in there. I will always pray for you guys.

  5. Suz, ek lees elke dag jou skrywe en ek wil hê jy moet weet my hart brand vir julle en waardeur julle gaan. Ons aanbid ‘n almagtige God, en verstaan so min van die lewe en van die hoekoms en waaroms, al wat ek aan bly vasklou is dat Hy julle die krag en genade SAL gee om hiermee te deal….. lief vir julle

  6. Ons bid vir Declan. Staan sterk Suzanne.

    Our thoughts are always our biggest enemies. Think only of today and about what you can do today that makes a difference. The future has a way of sorting itself out, no matter how much we kick and scream and worry about it.

    Spend your effort on the present and let the future sort itself out. You cannot change the future, but you can change the present.

    Dont intellectualize too much – it always leads to unhappiness.

    See you in 2 weeks. Lief vir julle.

  7. (((HUGS))) I can imagine how this news has affected you

  8. It must be so hard for you, but don’t be too harsh on yourself, no matter how deep our relationship with God we are human and we fall into fear and yes, anger too. I was furious when my children’s father died, but it was not a premature death, and still sometimes I want to shout at God about it or shake my fist because I want them to have a dad like other kids. And I cannot imagine how hard it must be for you to watch your little boy suffer. You are in my prayers and will pray for Declan as well. God is a mighty God and remember that we see the back of the tapestry and one day we will understand it all. But scream if you want to, sometimes that is a good thing.

  9. Hi Suzanne,

    We are praying for you guys.



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