Mixed emotions

What a roller coaster day.

Woutertjie had fever throughout the night and didn’t eat anything the whole of yesterday.  He is currently on IV antibiotics again.  After being very nauseous yesterday he woke up this morning with a bit more attitude and refused to let the oncologist examine him. 

This morning I went to church while Wouter was with Boeta in hospital.  At the end of the pre-service singing there were two children’s songs.  The first was “Kyk hoedat die voëltjies vlieg” (Look at how the birds fly) and that was the end of my composure.  Everytime Boeta had to get a drip inserted I sang that to him to try and distract and calm him.  It is the song we had to sing every day that I took him to play school and he loves that song.  So there I was, sitting in the front row, tears streaming down my face.  I’m not comfortable with showing sadness in public.  Everyone is allowed to see me feeling good but I save sadness for the privacy of my own home.  My friends have been quite freaked out after reading some of my blog entries and I think they will be really freaked out hearing that I cried in public.

The sermon today was about the state of our hearts.  Do you have a Saul-heart, made of stone with no love for God?  Do you have a David-heart, filled with Godly love even though you stumble every now and again?  Do you have a Solomon-heart, trying to straddle both worlds?  This sermon may have been written with me in mind.  The whole time I felt God telling me that he was pulling me from my Solomon existence towards a David one.  And I may be kicking and screaming but He will not give up on me.

At the end of the sermon the minister, Ds Tielman Germishuys who is also battling cancer, came to me to ask how Boeta was doing.  I told him that he wasn’t doing great and he called me to the front, explained to the congregation who I am and asked everyone to join in a prayer for Boeta and our family.  I can’t explain how much comfort I derived from that.

Woutertjie is feeling better and better as the day has gone by.  At the moment he is sitting on the floor on his Lightning McQueen blanket playing with his Thomas trainset.  I can’t imagine an adult going from feeling horrible to wonderful within a couple of hours.  Children! 

My baby sister, Tiesies, is staying over at hospital tonight so that Wouter can have a good night’s sleep before the week starts again.  Wishing you all a good week!

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3 Responses

  1. Oh heck, now you have me in tears too. (((HUGS)))
    So glad that the congregation is also praying for you now.

  2. I’m so sorry you are having a roller-coaster day. It is okay to cry (although it is easier said than done for me, because I also hate crying in public).

    Hugs and prayers to you and your brave little man!!!

  3. Bly om te sien Boeta is tuis, weg van die Hospitaal af.Geniet die kuiertjies saam met familie en vriende,ons bid vir die dae wat senutergend vir julle is. Dink aan julle en vasbyt Woutertjie

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